Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
