...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In America we eat man semen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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