He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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