So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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