I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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