I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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