Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
