My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
