When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
