dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
