he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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