So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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