I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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