Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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