Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
