i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize