Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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