Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
