i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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