I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we made out on top of his cat.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
