Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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