Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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