how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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