There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
