I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
