Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
