i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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