Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize