In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
