i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My bed smells like the plague
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
