i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
