You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
