Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
