I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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