Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
