Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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