Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
