your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
