Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
