he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
