This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
