i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
