well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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