absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
