First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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