Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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