I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
