just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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