what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
