That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
