we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
