she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
