Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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