one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
