I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
