VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
