I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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