Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if only i could text you this smell
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
