Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
