i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
