I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
