Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
