Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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