Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
