Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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