Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
