dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
