I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
