dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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