Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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