we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
