I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
