Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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