So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
