Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
